Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
