Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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