is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
