Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
