I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
