i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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