how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
