I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
