Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
