Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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