Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
