I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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