i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
