How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
