Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
