I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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