From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
