My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
