I faked an abortion last night.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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