you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
