Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
