There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
