My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
