The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
