I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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