you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
