Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think a kid would responsible me up
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
