i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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