Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
