Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
