I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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