my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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