We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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