I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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