guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
