I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
