can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
