had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
