he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
