dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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