Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
