my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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