i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
