2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
