i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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