I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
