I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
