She said her name was "party"
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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