and she was petting her beer can
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
be right there i have to get my cape
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
