Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
