I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
