dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
