i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
