Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
