I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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