Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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